Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Truth Exposed: Why Mick Jagger Has A Really Big Mouth

Why is Mick Jagger's mouth so big?

This is the biggest question of our time. Until now, we've all known that Mick Jagger has a ridiculously huge mouth, but it's never been brought to the table. My friends, let's make history.

Look at that. It's ridiculous, it's wide, and it's inhuman. Why does his mouth stretch so wide when he sings? Did he walk around with his mouth open all the time when he was a kid so that his mouth stretched wide? Is his jaw so heavy that his mouth got stretched? Maybe he's gay?

No, none of those ideas can be the solution. After going through countless possibilities for why this may be, there is only one solution that really fits.

Compare the following two pictures:

That second picture, that's a velociraptor. Look at it's huge mouth, it stretches pretty wide, and looks just like a certain rock star's mouth. A velociraptor is a kind of dinosaur, so they don't exist any more. Or do they?

It looks like we've stumbled upon the answer to one of history's greatest questions: what ever happened to the dinosaurs? They hid, in the form of rock stars. Mick Jagger is one of the last velociraptors alive today. As time progressed, his ancestors evolved their bodies to shape like a humans by raping a lot of cavemen. Their offspring would look more and more human. But there's one feature you can't hide: your huge fucking mouth.

There are other velociraptor rock stars out there as well. The lead singer for Aerosmith, Steven Tyler, is also a velociraptor. How do I know? Look at that damn mouth!

I'm sure there are plenty more dinosaur descendent rock stars out there, but we need to weed them out. Let's find out who is really a dinosaur, what line of dinosaurs they come from, and expose them for who they really are.

To conclude this post, here's another funny picture exposing Mick Jagger's huge mouth:

1 comment:

  1. This... this has to be a joke... But I'm loving every second of it. 2009-2018.