Sunday, March 7, 2010

My Reaction to Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland (AKA Alice the Opium Lord)

Holy shit.
That was my initial reaction after seeing the end of that movie. I'm not even talking about how all that shit played out in Wonderland, I'm talking about what happened when she got back to the real world. They sugarcoated the whole thing.

Back in those days if a woman ran off from a wedding with a lord like that, returned back covered in filth, told everybody at the wedding off for their problems, and then did some weird ass dance no one would be understanding of her. Not a single person. Rather, they'd all say something along the lines of, "She's fucking mad! Someone slap her!" or "Witch! Burn the witch!"

That plan that she came up with, to make a new trade route, where the fuck did she pull that from? How the hell did she come up with some master plan that beat anything they had already come up with? Oh I know what it must have been! At some point throughout that crazy adventure in a reality that was most likely drug induced (she drank the punch) she connected something, like talking animals and slaying monsters, to creating a trade route between England and China. That makes sense! Those things are totally related!

And why the hell would her almost father in law hire her? She just rejected his son's offer to marry, and he hires her as his apprentice? That's great parenting.

Also even if she didn't want to marry the guy, it's not like she had a choice. Women's rights didn't even exist back then. If that movie were more realistic they would have gotten married and she would have become the mother of a few rotten spoiled brats, and grow to wish she was dead.

A friend pointed this one out to me. Creating that trade route to China was one super fucked up move on Alice's part. All those little boys and girls who got to see this movie look up to Alice as a role model, but do parents really understand what kind of demon Tim Burton's new role model really is? Think about the implications of Alice's trade route. She has created a new idea among the British, to trade with China. This means trading all kinds of things: tobacco, silks, spices, and opium! That's right, England's trade with China brought the selling of opium to the country, and when the Chinese resisted two Opium wars occurred- with Britain smuggling in tons of Opium into the country and turning many people into addicts. Alice, you are one sneaky drug dealer!

But yeah, what the fuck, Tim Burton? What the fuck?
I hate those kind of endings.

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